US POST OFFICE IS ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HEADQUARTERS

By:  Jim Verdonik

I'm an attorney with Ward and Smith PA.  I also write a column about business and law for American Business Journals, have authored multiple books and teach an eLearning course for entrepreneurs.  You can reach me at JFV@WardandSmith.com or JimV@eLearnSuccess.com.  Or you can check out my eLearning course at http://www.elearnsuccess.com/start.aspx?menuid=3075 or http://www.youtube.com/user/eLearnSuccess or purchase my books at  http://www.amazon.com/Jim-Verdonik/e/B0040GUBRW

 My last several articles have been about Zombie Businesses.  This is the last in a series of Articles celebrating April as Zombie Apocalypse month.

So, what's a Zombie Business? 

You know what I mean - businesses that no one in their right mind would start today, but that continue to exist because no one will put them out of their misery.  So, they continue to walk the earth powered by owners, managers and employees who can't (or won't try to) find something better to do.

If you have ever worked for a Zombie Business, you know how depressing that is.  No one ever gets excited about new opportunities.  The focus is in milking the last pennies from existing customers who no other businesses are targeting.  And forget about investing in new products or services.

Some readers have asked for examples of Zombie Businesses.

A couple of weeks ago I read about a classic Zombie Business - the US Postal Service. 

The Post Office is desperately trying to reduce expenses.  But a few weeks ago Congress vetoed a very sensible proposal by the Post Office that it eliminate Saturday deliveries.

Then, Americans would only receive junk that they don't read five days a week instead of six days a week.  Naturally Congress rejected this, because there are three 110 year old ladies who don't know how to read email.  Or was it the tens of thousands of post office workers and their families who vote and work in political campaigns?  You be the judge.

Apparently, Saturday deliveries are sacred to some voters.  Who knew?  Do many people in your neighborhood wait by their mail boxes on Saturday afternoons?

Refusing to cut delivery services is like refusing to throw a life preserver to someone who is drowning because it's Sunday and a day of rest.

That got me thinking about why the US Postal Service is a poster boy for Zombie businesses.  Having outlived its initial purpose, it's condemned to walk through its afterlife doing things no real business would do.

Was the Post Office always this way?

If not, how did the Post Office become a Zombie?

To answer these questions, let's trace the US Post Office through four basic stages that many businesses go through:

·         Start-up,

·         Success Creates Expansion.

·         Shrinking Market Share

·         Death Spiral

ZOMBIE BUSINESSES PART II: ATONING TO ZOMBIES

By:  Jim Verdonik

 I'm an attorney with Ward and Smith PA.  I also write a column about business and law for American Business Journals, have authored multiple books and teach an eLearning course for entrepreneurs.  You can reach me at JFV@WardandSmith.com or JimV@eLearnSuccess.com.  Or you can check out my eLearning course at http://www.elearnsuccess.com/start.aspx?menuid=3075  or http://www.youtube.com/user/eLearnSuccess or purchase my books at  http://www.amazon.com/Jim-Verdonik/e/B0040GUBRW

[Note: This post is a longer version of an Article I wrote that was originally published in Triangle Business Journal in March 2013.]

What's a poor blogger to do?

The first rule of business is that you can't please everyone.  Don't even try.

The second rule of business is:  Be careful who you displease.

\My last article about how to prevent businesses from becoming Zombies offended Zombie business community leaders.

They demanded to know:  Why did I assume Zombies aren't good businesspeople?

So, after attending Zombie EEOC sensitivity training classes, I'm asking this question:

Why can't Zombies and humans come together and share business lunch?  (Oops! Bad idea.) 

But despite the no business lunch part (which should really be the first rule of business in a post-Zombie Apocalypse world), let's celebrate Zombie business achievements.

As you can see Zombie business compare favorably to their human counterparts in all the primary sectors of business:

·         Sustainability and Efficiency

·         Social Consciousness

·         Personnel Practices

·         Legal Compliance

Let's explore how Zombie businesses innovate in each of these important areas.

Sustainability and Efficiency

Zombie businesses are persistent.  They search for opportunities night and day.

Zombie salesmen can take several bullets right through the heart and still keep coming to close a sale.  Even losing a limb or two won't stop dedicated Zombie salesmen.  You'd think that tenacity would make them great life insurance salesmen, wouldn't you?  But for some reason life insurance is one product Zombie businesses don't sell.

75% of human businesses die within five years, but Zombie businesses survive at much higher rates.  Just when you think you've killed a Zombie business, it regenerates.

Zombies like teamwork.  Teams surround targets.  And no one is better at taking one (or two or three) for the team.

Zombie businesses have great market penetration – they wait in darkest corners of abandoned buildings for opportunities to wander in.  It seems like they are everywhere.  Human businesses just can't compete against that!

Social Consciousness

But Zombie businesses aren't all about the money.  They have a heart (sort of).

Zombie businesses are GREEN (and other gross colors), because they walk instead of drive.  Al Gore (America's first Zombie political/business leader) proudly hails Zombies' small carbon footprints.  That reminds me.  Whatever happened to Tipper?  Tipper just disappeared.  Did Tipper meet the Governor's daughter's fate?

Zombies eat only free range humans and waste nothing.  They just don't like keeping humans in little cages.  Like all sportsmen, they prefer the thrill of the hunt.  And they consume the entire human carcass.  Waste not want not is an old Zombie expression.

Zombie businesses reinvigorate depressed communities.  After human businesses flee to suburban shopping malls, Zombie businesses remain in abandoned downtown business districts.  I ask you:  Where would our downtowns be without Zombie businesses?

And Zombies don't outsource jobs overseas.  They conduct all business within walking distance.

ZOMBIE BUSINESS PART I: IS THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE CONSUMING YOUR BUSINESS?

By:  Jim Verdonik

I'm an attorney with Ward and Smith PA.  I also write a column about business and law for American Business Journals, have authored multiple books and teach an eLearning course for entrepreneurs.  You can reach me at JFV@WardandSmith.com or JimV@eLearnSuccess.com.  Or you can check out my eLearning course at http://www.elearnsuccess.com/start.aspx?menuid=3075

or http://www.youtube.com/user/eLearnSuccess or purchase my books at  http://www.amazon.com/Jim-Verdonik/e/B0040GUBRW

[Note: This post is a longer version of an Article I wrote that was originally published in Triangle Business Journal in March 2013.  I expanded the article and added video clips.]

I'm a big Walking Dead fan.
Southern Zombies chase Rednecks across Georgia.
It doesn't get much better than that!

For connoisseurs of Zombie Apocalypse movies the big issue is:  Do you like fast Zombies or slow Zombies?  Walking Dead is about slow Zombies.  It usually takes a bunch of Zombies to catch you, unless you are wildly you of shape.  It's usually someone's fault when they get eaten by slow Zombies. 

So, what do Zombie movies have to do with you and your business?

It's usually your fault when your business becomes a Zombie.  It happened because you weren't paying attention or you weren't keeping your business in shape.

Most businesses go through cycles:  Struggle followed by growth followed by struggle, followed by growth, followed by struggle.. . . etc.

Both Struggle and Growth can wear down the business' Founders and management team.

At that point, the business may stabilize.  It's not struggling, but it's also not growing.

Short naps like that can sometimes be healthy.  But if it lasts too long, you may have a Walking Dead business.

Why do businesses become Walking Dead?
Can you cure the Walking Dead disease? 
Or does one Zombie Bite doom your business?

Let's look at several different types of Walking Dead businesses and talk about how you deal with each of them.

Zombie Problem:  Family members you brought into the business don't have what it takes to grow your business.

Remedy:  Fire your family, train your family, adopt a new family or sell your business.

Zombie Problem:  The business outgrew the Founders' skills. 
Remedy: Either get new skills or bring in a new management team to run your business for you.  Maybe you should sell the business in a management led leveraged buyout.  [Check out this short video from my eLearning course about Leveraged Buyouts]

http://goo.gl/pq7Ez

APRIL 15th NOW ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE DAY

By:  Jim Verdonik
I'm an attorney with Ward and Smith PA.  I also write a column about business and law for American Business Journals, have authored multiple books and teach an eLearning course for entrepreneurs.  You can reach me at JFV@WardandSmith.com or JimV@eLearnSuccess.com.  Or you can check out my eLearning course at http://www.elearnsuccess.com/start.aspx?menuid=3075
or http://www.youtube.com/user/eLearnSuccess or purchase my books at  http://www.amazon.com/Jim-Verdonik/e/B0040GUBRW

Happy Tax Day everyone!

By the power invested in me as a blogger, I'm declaring April 15 each year Zombie Apocalypse Day.
If you're filing your tax return late, blame it on the Zombies.  The IRS is full of them.

Before online filing became popular, select Post Offices stayed open until mid-night on April 15th and some were crowded with last minute filers.  But that's a bygone era eliminated by the Internet.

Be careful if you're making a pre-midnight run to your local post-office to get an April 15th post-mark.  It will be lonely and dark.

You choose whether you want to take your chances with the Internal Revenue Service or with Zombies tonight when you file your return

To celebrate Zombie Apocalypse Day, all my blogs for April will be about Zombies and your business.